Naked Reflections The Shamelessly Sensual Blog

Lessons I Learned from Parenting: Prompt 4 “Clenched fists”

No Gravatar

He did not have a male role model

that he wanted to emulate

a father who would love him

unconditionally

who would rescue and mend him

like a loving parent would

He craved his father’s approval

because that is what children do

but he never heard what he did right

and always how he was lazy and wrong

He grew up asking why

wondering why he fell short

why he never felt safe

and why he and his father

always walked away

with clenched fists.

Lessons I Learned on a Saturday: Prompt 3 “Falling in love with . . .”

No Gravatar

What happens when you fall in love

with a project?

You plan and search

for its vital parts

and commence construction.

Your desired outcome

its inner mechanisms

perfectly sync

with your vision.

As the project takes form

obstacles begin blocking

completion.

Pieces don’t fit.

Mixtures won’t blend.

Sparks don’t fly.

Like a scientist,

you try again

with a new approach

using the same materials.

But after repeated tests and trials

you determine your hypothesis

would never be true.

He was never meant

to be your project.

He was supposed to be

your man.

Fall in love with a person

not a project.

 

Lessons I Learned at Home: Prompt 2 “Resilience”

No Gravatar

“Resilience”

Dear Mommie

I miss you

Wish you could be here

To hold me

Talk to me

Let me sit on your lap

Well, lie across it

And cry

While you gently caress my face

I miss your sweet touch

Its magic

Sometimes I want to scream

Instead I pray constantly

Knowing you and God hear

My every word

Even the unspoken ones

That seem to live on the edge

Of my lips

Thank you for reminding me

Through memories

That you loved everyone

No judgements

No exclusions

Thank you for reminding me

When I look at your picture

That a smile can cure sadness

Thank you for teaching me

Resilience

And how obstacles are opportunities

And how struggles develop strength

And how love lives after loss

Lessons I Learned at School: Prompt 1 “Rehab”

No Gravatar

“Rehab”

Yesterday a child asked

“What is rehab?”

Someone answered

“A place you go to

when you learn

to do something

you can’t do anymore.”

I added

“Like a hospital but for helping you

get strong enough to go back home.”

But what if home

is what makes her sick

What if her muscles atrophied

because of the words he used

every time he talked to her

What if her heart weakened

because of her addictions

to dysfunction

and crippling codependency

What if she didn’t want to walk again

or dance again

or try again

And she went home to rehab

 

#poetryfromprompts

 

DNR Because You’re Free (Happy 6th Heavenly Anniversary Mommie!)

No Gravatar

Another clear sunny morning

to begin the 6th Anniversary

of your Heavenly transition.

While spending quiet time

reminiscing through old photos

your plastic arm band fell out of a stack

and landed next to my hand.

DNR

DO NOT RESUSCITATE

Do not revive something,

someone,

even you

from unconsciousness or death.

When your final days drew near

your wish was to be free

to go

your time here was finished.

DO NOT RESUSCITATE

Live each day with focused purpose

without fear of failure

pursue that which God placed in you

And He will provide a way.

I hear you.

Love with all you’ve got

hug those who hurt

smile more

and laugh

as hard as you can

let your tears fall like rain

sing and dance to ease your pain.

I hear you.

DO NOT RESUSCITATE

Feel every breeze.

I’m with you.

Stand against the wind like trees.

I’ve got you.

Soak in the sunshine.

I’m next to you.

Jump in puddles.

I’ll catch you.

DO NOT RESUSCITATE

Learn to let go.

Be free.

Don’t revive the past.

Don’t revive pain.

Let go.

DO NOT RESUSCITATE

Because you’re FREE.

Before the Call

No Gravatar

Twelve days before Donna left

I recorded her

Listening to me read “Before You Go”

A poem I wrote for her

She smiled and asked me if I wrote it

She said it was beautiful

Her last words spoken to me.

 

Two days before Donna left

I held her hand

Kissed her forehead

And listened to her breathe

Rubbed her pretty little feet

Fancy pink-polished toes

I watched her eyes roam

Behind delicate lids

Like she witnessed life unfolding

Before leaving

I said I love you.

 

A few hours before Donna left

She slept soundly

I placed my hand on her head

And prayed for God

To keep her in His care

To guide her in to Heaven

In His total peace

I told Donna to relax in God’s presence

To know that everyone would be fine

I kissed my fingers

Touched them to her cheek

Held her arm

Knew the coolness

Was pulling all her earthly love

Closer to her heart

Where that sweet spirit

Would ascend

I said I love you

The corners of her lips quivered

She heard me

I tiptoed out

Knowing she was going.

 

Before Donna left

I prayed as I went to sleep

For Donna to have a peaceful passing

An hour later

The call.

 

My selfish sorrows of sadness

Loss and grief

Then a joy unexplainable

For her victory

For her courage

For her wings

Like little Shelby said,

“Donna made it.”

If I…

No Gravatar

img_44225

If I block her tears

the ones falling because fears

build walls around reality

creating imaginary realness

of everything false,

She would see again.

 

If I chisel the mask

the one feigning laughter

at anything that giddiness

squeezes loneliness from,

She would feel again.

 

If I scratch the record

replaying her blues life

spinning sorrow like her own

private web,

She would dance again.

Vacationing Amongst Selfie-Centered Offspring of Option-Offering Parents

No Gravatar

selfie

When I first traveled to Maui over 17 years ago with my young son and daughter, we did not have iPhones, iPads, iPods, or even EarPods. I struggle to recall if I even had a pager with me. We had each other’s attention, paperback books, Kodak disposable cameras, and plans to enjoy and explore Maui. I planned the trip with a few options in mind:

  1. How many changes of clothes to pack for the kids
  2. Where we would eat that offered chicken nuggets, pizza, and child-friendly breakfasts
  3. Which tourist excursion would be most memorable, least time consuming, and cost efficient

I vaguely remember any issues inside the airport or the car rental office. The only vivid memory related to transportation was our lost luggage. American Airlines lost our luggage and we spent the entire first day in Maui fully dressed on the beautiful Kaanapali Beach. I allowed the kids to get in the water up to their knees. They understood they had no dry clothes into which to change, nonetheless they completely enjoyed themselves. Although our luggage did not arrive until near midnight, I did not have to make special arrangements for my children to be happy or satisfied. They were in Maui on vacation for 7 days.

Fast forward to 2016 and I finally get to vacation in Maui again, but now I am an adult without children. This time I am traveling with new perspectives and plans on how to have a good vacation.

  1. How many changes of clothes should I pack for myself
  2. Which tourist excursion, if any, will I consider
  3. Will I run out of money

I had no idea so many selfie-centered offspring and option-offering parents would invade my observations. In the airport, young girls with outstretched-arms puckered and posed unashamedly at themselves before clicking, saving, cropping, filtering, and posting. Young boys with necks bent like upside-down “U’s” gripped iPads, iPhones, and training tablets as their thumbs manipulated the QWERTY keyboards faster than ten fingers ever would.

Conversations lacked eye contact. An occasional face-to-face interaction occurred when parents attempted to bribe their children to behave.

Option-Offerer #1: Honey, look at me. Do you want to see what daddy is doing in the line or do you want to sit by me and play quietly on your iPad?

Selfie-Centered Offspring #1: (age 4.5) I don’t wanna sit by you. You make me angry and so does my sister!!! Why is it taking Dad so long to get the car? I’m ready to go.

Option-Offerer #1: Oh my, you are spending more time angry than happy and we have not even begun our fun in Maui.

(Two aisles over)

Dreaded Teen: (wearing short shorts and a mismatched shirt ferociously scrolls her Facebook and whines) Oh my God, I’m sooooo mad right now. All of my friends are in San Francisco and I’m not!

Dreaded Teen’s younger sister looks befuddled and inquires how she could possibly be mad that she’s not in San Francisco if she’s spending her vacation in Maui.

Dreaded Teen: EVERYONE is at Pride and I’m not!!!! Ugggghhhhhh!

(On rental-car shuttle)

Option-Offerer #2: (looks at daughter) Sweetie, please sit down on the shuttle or you’ll fall.

Selfie-Centered Offspring #2: (gazes out the window) I won’t fall.

Meanwhile Option-Offerer #2 continues to tell her daughter she needs to sit down while the shuttle is moving. Deep inside her eyes, I see her hoping that her daughter falls down but doesn’t injure herself enough to ruin the trip, but enough to teach her a lesson.

Option-Offerer #2: (smiling at her daughter’s challenge) You’re going to fall, hold on to the pole, he’s about to turn.

Selfie-Centered Offspring #2: (remaining hands-free) I wish she would be quiet because she sees I’m not falling. I know what I’m doing. I have stood on buses before.

As the shuttle parks and we attempt to exit safely, Option-Offerer #2 tells Male Selfie-Centered Offspring not to push Selfie-Centered Offspring #2.

Male Selfie-Centered Offspring: (angry from having to stop playing his game and pushing his younger sister) I’m not pushing her!!

Option-Offerer #2: (pleading in her eyes) Please stop pushing her.

He pushes past them both to join his father after exiting the shuttle. Both offspring wanted to be by their father. My guess is that he sets the limits. He gets their respect.

Are these Option-Offering Parents feeding limitless egos of their Selfie-Centered Offspring? Every time a parent gives a child an option without setting boundaries and expectations, their children suffer. They don’t know which option is best, they only know that satisfying SELF is first. Would the 4.5-year old girl ever learn patience? Would the teen have been grateful in San Francisco instead of being on vacation in Maui? Would the rule-breaking girl eventually fall on a bus while standing and think back on what her mother said? Would her big brother push the wrong kid one day and get beat up? Do any of these options lead to lessons?

I said a few prayers before getting on the airplane coming home. I prayed that none of the Selfie-Centered Offspring or their parents would be awake, near me, or speaking loud enough to be heard. God answered my prayers.

 

 

Orchids Don’t Die, We Kill Them

No Gravatar

image

My orchid’s lonely segmented stem

Surprised me with two purple blooms

And 4 buds awaiting birth

This poem is not about orchids

The most common problems

For orchids

Poor watering

Atmospheric issues

Temperature changes

And root rot

Resemble what commonly destroys

Humans.

This poem is not about orchids

Without water

We die

Constant movement

Void of consistency

Causes anxiety and stress

Sudden changes in temperature

Create frustration

And can lead to poor performance

Jealousy, insecurity, and anger

Rot the human spirit

Resulting in a lonely empty soul

Orchids don’t die.

We kill them.

This poem is not about orchids.

 

 

 

Pieces of Peace #24: Transformed

No Gravatar

image

Living with the power

of peace

transforms from the inside out.

But suffering inside the fire

of a dragon

kills like cancer

that metastasizes

at the sound of a voice.